song of the soul . . .

. . . journey of a self - taught artist

As a child when you are immersed in the energies of learning and playing, you are not concerned with your calling or purpose in life. Thus, I was bright in academics and had leadership qualities, but Art, although an engaging preoccupation in my school days, was always just a hobby. My art teacher had seen my potential, but I had taken it for granted. I remember now, my fingers moving involuntarily, to make sketches of people coming home, my drawings being shown to guests by my mom. But for me, it was just a matter of simple pleasure and secondary in the measure of praise I received from teachers for my academic performance.

Post school, without much thought, I went to Sir J. J. School of Art for admission in Architecture and to Sydenham College for a degree in B.Com and eventually enrolled in N. M. College simply because of its proximity to my home! Simply because my parents were concerned about my commuting in the monsoon months... And I was fine with that. I was with my friends and that was life. Most significant for me then, was that I had a happy childhood with excellent values.

When I met Pankaj, fell in love and got married soon after, he didn’t know about my artistic leanings. Once, when he came home from office and saw one of the sketches I had made, he was astonished and urged me to pursue art. He also said I should enjoy the process of creating, with a condition never to sell them.
Like any self-taught artist, I embarked on the journey, excited by the different styles and repertoire of various artists. I was influenced by Raza and by the Romantic Movement. But painting was never a regular exercise; I dabbled in it at whim, when Pankaj traveled or there were no guests at home.

Our children would then be given their own paper or canvas board to paint on to ensure my
being undisturbed. Surrounded by master artists as I was, and unsure about my work, I hoped that perhaps in my next life God would be more accommodating!
And then, just when I had relinquished all hopes of being an artist of some measure in this lifetime, something changed my course. Strangely, it was during Navratri celebrations last year (Oct ’08), when the financial Tsunami swept over us, that I discovered a new style of my own. Pankaj and my daughter Sanjana, on seeing the new work proclaimed that I had made it! That enthusiasm and encouragement from my family unleashed all my energies. I was intensely happy and painted crazily through the entire month of October until November 25. I was ready with a solo show for the first time. And only my family, our staff, the framer and the material supplier knew about it. Pankaj and I were delighted about presenting a surprise solo show in February 2009.
During that period, I also painted while in Dubai and just before returning to Mumbai, Husainji came to meet us. He saw the works with unconcealed amazement and said, ‘Do you realise what has come out of you?’ When Husainji offered to buy one of my works, I folded my hands and said, ‘I shall take just 11 dirham or eleven rupees from you. You are my first collector and it is such an honour.’ My family witnessed the scene and my joy knew no boundaries. Next day I was in Mumbai and our guest room became my studio. Everyday I would wake up with four or five images flashing in my mind, I couldn’t stop painting. God had given me what I had desired. I was so thankful to Him and my loved ones.

But my faith and joy was soon to be tested. On 26/11, we were hit hard by terrorism; by a horrific act of mindless fanatics. Many precious lives were lost and along with those, that of my beloved Pankaj.
Overnight, our lives were shattered. And only now, after an entire year since that fateful day, I realise that nobody’s journey is together. I have to move on for my children and those around me. From a happy, carefree wife, I am now the chairperson of Satellite, our family enterprise. Now, after the grief and pain, only painting offers me peace. It has become an act of meditation. While my son Sarjan, wise beyond his years, had said, ‘Ma, God knew your destiny and made a path for you when Papa was there’, Akbar Padamsee, Bal Chhabda, Manu Parekh and Subhash Awchat who saw the works, felt the same.

I believe my path is created by God; I can feel the power of love. I had begun painting the new series in my happiest days and have continued through the saddest times. Life is a challenge and I am able to face it only because of the power of love.

Kalpana Shah
Mumbai; 13 November 2009.